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Football365 Dictionary: X Is For...
X
American for E, not that any footballers would know anything about illegal drugs.
X
What the Arsenal XI were generally reduced to during the Patrick Vieira era.
x
Modish way of ending any email or text message whatsoever, these days, totally devaluing what used to be rather a nice cheap little thrill, when Sally in marketing or whatever sent you a mail with a little kiss at the end and you spent the next few minutes wondering if she might fancy you a bit, and then the few minutes after that imagining having a good old go on her in the stationery cupboard, thus ensuring that the hell of the work day passed that little bit more quickly. Now, though, utterly hijacked by young people to bring us to the current state of affairs, where anything less than three kisses is considered a grave personal insult. Surely only a matter of time now until you get tax bills and court summons and arrest warrants with a little kiss at the bottom. Hard to imagine, say, Sir Alf Ramsay sticking up a team-sheet for the big one against Germany with a note at the bottom saying: "Sorry Jimmy! Alf x", isn't it? See also: :-) etc.
XXX
Tabloid description of filthy tackle, or holiday snaps of Kieron Dyer et al. Actually, just means filthy tackle, then, come to think of it.
Xavi
Brilliant Spanish bloke, name always makes you want to say "Xabi Titmuss". One of the few players not leaving Barca this summer, it seems.
Xabi Alonso
Only slightly less brilliant Spanish bloke, plays for Liverpool, where he is teaching Jamie Carragher English.
Xavier, Abel
Extraordinary-looking Portuguese defender famed for going garrity at ref in Euro 2000, moving from Everton to Liddypool, having mystery virus that turned out to be a nasty case of suddenly becoming crap at football.
X, Liberty
Sort of a poor man's Girls Aloud, if such a thing is possible, and as such, probably being eyed hungrily by Wayne Bridge as we speak.
X Marks The Spot
Instruction for pirates or Spot The Ball entrants. Statistically speaking, your chances of winning 150 quid on Spot The Ball were roughly the same as actually finding the Treasure of The Sierra Madre. In your ass.
X-Rated
Tabloid for a brutal, leg-breaking assault, or for a conversation between Wayne Wazza Rooney and an unfortunate referee.
X-Treme
Tabloid word that has been adopted by countless male-grooming companies, razor floggers, sports drink manufacturers, pornographic video firms and so on, in the belief that blokes regard every purchase they make as some sort of dick-measuring contest.
Xenophobia
Affliction suffered by many tabloid football writers, whereby all players from foreign countries are regarded as sausage-eating/homosexual/cheats/whatever. Strangely, its foremost practitioners - i.e. woolly-headed loon Jeff Powell of the Mail - now hate English players as well (vile, bling-wearing, workshy thugs etc). It must get very tiring.
Alan Tyers
