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Football365 Dictionary: W Is For...
Waddle, Chris
Mullet-headed winger who was king of the step-over, ex-sausage factory worker and half of a Top Twenty pop duo. Jimmy Five Bellies interrupted Football365 interview to phone him and decry a recently-purchased suit with the assessment "Waddler! You look like a pimp!"
Walkabout, Going
Tactic favoured by bored/bewildered goalkeepers who want to see at first hand what's happening near the half-way line. Usually ends in tears. See Barthez, Fabien.
Walker, Des
According to the famous song, 'You'll never beat Des Walker'. Played for Nottingham Forest, Sheffield Wednesday and Graham Taylor's England, so not strictly true.
Walker, Jack
Winner of 1994/95 Premiership title.
Walker, Mike
Norwich manager who actually led his team to victory over Bryan Munich. Tru!
Walker, Suzie
Catchphrase: 'Hiya!', was married to Tottingham's Ian. A sort of proto-WAG.
Wallsend Boys Club
Apparently the only kids team in the north east ever to produce any good footballers.
W*nker
The referee.
Ward, Ashley
Blood-and-thunder lower league (or at least should have been lower league) centre-forward, relegated from top flight on an impressive four occasions. In a move that would have made John Cleese's Jimmy Buzzard proud, later 'opened a boutique', called Apparel.
Warm-Up
Period just before start of match during which player in the starting XI may book himself a comfy seat in the directors' box instead - usually by 'feeling a groin'.
Warmuz, Guillaume
Short-lived Arsenal goalkeeper who looked worryingly like Shania Twain.
Warning
Verbal sanction applied by referees (in place of the regulation red/yellow card) to players who regularly feature in Hello! or OK! magazines.
Warnock, Neil
Popular football manager.
Waterworks
See Lionheart, England's.
Weaver, Fat Nicky
Played for Citeh, enjoyed pie.
We Love You, So-And-So, We Do
All-purpose football chant belonging to a gentler, simpler era.
Welly, Give It Some
Unsophisticated tactical instruction heard in parks all over England on Sunday mornings, and also at Anfield.
Wembley
National stadium. Old one was very expensive and difficult to get to. New one no longer has Twin Towers.
Wemglee
What any semi-final goalscorer used to feel, according to tabloid headlines.
Wenger, Arsène
Professorial manager, formerly revered, now feeling the hot breath of progress on the back of his neck?
Wide Awake Club
Ronism to describe a degree of concentration. Generally used in the negative. As in: "Little Scholesy's played a lovely ball through there, and I'll tell you what, Clive, the big Spanish defender's not in the Wide Awake Club, Ronaldo's stolen in at the back stick and given it the full gun". Or: "I was eating a sandwich in between commentary, giving my views on our coloured brethren and, I tell you what, I wasn't in the Wide Awake Club, I've left the mike on and before I know it I'm out on me ear."
Wimbledon
See Keynes, Milton. If you've got nothing else to do.
Wilson, Bob
Described by David Seaman as "the funniest man I've ever met". Christ.
Wilkinson, Howard
Old-fashioned manager who once insisted that sport is not entertainment. Anyone watching his teams agreed.
Wiltord, Sylvain
Arsène knows.
Windass, Dean
Magnificently-grizzled trundler, still putting it about at age of 56, which is coincidentally also his waist size. One of a dying breed.
Wise, Dennis
Small, aggressive creature, improbably given position of considerable responsibility as an Executive Director, but turned out to be at Newcastle, so makes sense after all.
Withe, Peter
Last England international to wear a proper, man's beard, not this designer stubble poncing about that A Cole etc favour.
Woodgate, Jonathan
Highly-rated defender, about whom one must always say, "Now he is fit again, Woodgate surely must be in the frame for an England rec-Oh, he appears to have twanged his banjo clean off."
Wolf, Wolfgang
Erstwhile manager of Wolfsburg. Makes 'Arsene of Arsenal' seem a positively sensible situation.
Woodwork
Framework of the goal which is, of course, made of metal.
World Club Cup World Cup Championship Thingy
Much unloved tournament, for which Man United did forsake the FA Cup which, because God is clearly a footballing traditionalist, served only to see them totally ripped apart by Romario and Edmundo and widely derided for snooty attitude off the pitch.
Worthington Cup
Sometime name of Carling Cup, Littlewoods Cup, Milk Cup, Rumbelows Cup etc. You can call it what you want, it's still a bit toilet.
Wright, Ian
Noted intellectual, forced out of BBC because he was too highbrow. Now presents Gladiators.
Wright-Phillips, Bradley
Earns ten grand a week, has been charged with burglary. No further comment advisable. Or necessary.
Wright-Phillips, Shaun
Petite scuffler, looked brilliant at Man City, career very much advanced by lucrative move to Chelsea.
Wuuuulverempton, Hi Ho
Without doubt the best theme song in football, belted out by 30,000 of the Black Country's finest with the volume turned down at the critical moment. The traditional response is, of course, "F*** Off, Wolverhampton".
Alan Tyers
