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The Football365 Dictionary: U Is For...
U's
Nickname for various Uniteds. For some reason, these teams incurred the wrath of Sir Fergie, prompting his famous outburst: "U's are all f***ing idiots."
UEFA
See Train, Gravy; Bureaucrats, Faceless and Swiss, Does Anyone Actually Like The?
Ufarte, Lopez
Spanish international who kept households up and down the land entertained during the 1982 World Cup and referred to as "the boy with the unfortunate name" by Brian Clough. See Kuntz; Quim; Arce; Wankdorf Stadium, The etc.
Ugly Ball
Ronsim referring to a pass or cross that causes panic in the defence.
Ugly Challenge
The kind perfected by Ben Thatcher, Lee Bowyer and Alan Smith etc. Also covers any tackles made by Luke Chadwick.
Ulan Bator
Capital of Outer Mongolia. Man United country.
Ulrika
Leisure pursuit favoured by footballers/managers.
Ultimatum
Traditionally given by Football Directors to their manager as alternative to, or in conjunction with Confidence, Board's Vote Of and Backing, Full. However, now more frequently used by players who want to leave a club, who will 'demand assurances' that the club 'show its ambition'. This is a clever way of saying that they want more money.
'Ump, Take The Right
That which 'appens to 'Arry when Pompey lose.
Unbelievable!
Catchphrase of Chris Kamara - commentator, pundit, gentleman, scholar and acrobat.
Unceremoniously
Rare in normal usage but always go-to adverb for hacks describing players being 'upended' or teams being dumped out of the Cup.
Uncompromising
Polite word for 'dirty'. As in 'that Abby Clancy looks a right uncompromising sort'.
Underachievers
Team who are less than the sum of their parts, almost always 'perennial'.
Under-Fire
Believed to be the official first name of former England manager Steve McClaren.
Underhill
Barnet pitch, famous for slope and being graced by the magnificent Kenneth Charlery. Alma mater of 'Fat' Stan Flashman, old stomping ground of Barry "for f***s sake, ref" Fry and, bizarrely, origin of undoubtedly the hottest pies in football. A chicken and mushroom was once struck by a wayward shot; the immediate vicinity looked like the aftermath of a napalm strike.
Under The Weather
Footballer's ailment, as in "Hi Fabio, Fergie here...Rio/Gary/Wes/Owen/Whoever won't be able to make the England team get-together, they're a bit under-the-weather. Again."
Unguarded
A description of the space between the half-way line and the goalkeeper in Newcastle games.
United
Used to refer to whichever club was closest in geographical terms and had the word 'United' in their name. However, since the emergence of the World's Greatest Football Club (TM) is now only ever used by commentators and pundits to refer to the residents of Old Trafford. This is the case even in occasions when the two teams both use the suffix, e.g. "United are really on top against West Ham".
Unsworth, David
Hen-pecked Villa man, briefly. Serenaded by Aston Villa fans with "Does Your Missus Know You're Here?" and also "Have You Done The Washing Up?"
Unveil
What clubs do with new signings.
Up And Under
Tactical kicking ploy introduced in Rugby Union in the 1930's. Caught on in proper football in the 1980's, was discredited but enjoyed resurgence under progressive continental sophisticates such as Gerard Houllier.
Up For It, Being
An unusually high level of commitment and/or passion, usually manifested in the up-for-it team or player maiming several opponents in the first ten minutes.
Upson, Matthew
Player who swapped the dull grind of Arsenal for fashionable Birmingham. Subject of Daily Mail exposé about yet another British worker being done out of a job by foreigners.
Uri
Christian name of Mr Geller, the spoon-bending mentalist who has achieved the seemingly impossible in - thanks to the interest of Michael Jackson and Gazza - being only the third oddest person associated with Exeter City in recent years.
Uruguay
South American country famed for winning World Cup twice, hosting the first tournament, being incredibly dirty and having a name that Homer thought was pronounced 'You are gay'.
Utility Man
Nebulous squad member with little skill or personality, resulting in no specific role. Stop-gap measure when first...and second...and third choice is unavailable. Applies also to managers. See O'Shea, John; Bassett, Dave.
Uwe (Rosler)
Rotund erstwhile Man City striker, visually reminiscent of Gerd Muller. Rather embarrassingly, was subject of Football365 story proclaiming 'Uwe Rosler is dead'. He wasn't. Sorry again, Uwe.
Uzbekistan
Eastern European Football Outpost, as in: "Well, Lawro, Liverpool won't fancy pre-qualification away to the Uzbekis."
Alan Tyers
