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Football365 Dictionary: T Is For...

Tackle
1) Act by which a player dispossesses another.
2) Act by which Paul Scholes gets himself booked.

Taggart
Pickled Glaswegian, thought to be brown bread, but has found new career as top Premier League manager.

Tallinn, There's Only One Team In
Brilliant chant to celebrate Estonia's failure to turn up for qualifier v Scotland, leading to the superb spectacle of John Collins kicking off against no opponents. Scotland upset the odds to record a victory.

Talisman
Tabloid-speak for a gifted player whose presence 'lifts' the team. Often found languishing in the lower to mid-table region, where they are then said to 'carry' the team. See Le Tissier, Matthew.

Tartan Army
Best fans in the world, compare English with their hooligan behaviour, making friends win or lozzzzzzzzz

Taylor, Gordon
Trade unionist charged with defending the rights of one of the most vulnerable and undervalued groups in society.

Taylor, Graham
Glorious England manager during the 1990s, famous for non-qualification to the World Cup in 1994. Also notable contributions: getting the job ahead of Clough, giving Carlton Palmer numerous England caps, substituting Lineker for Smith against Sweden, having everything he said copied by Phil Neal, having Lawrie "He didn't even give a f**king penalty" McMenemy as his number two, coining phrases such as "Do I not like that/Orange" and, of course, "Will you tell your friend over there he's just cost me my job? Will you tell him 'thank you very much'?" See also: Turnip.

Teacup
Prop handy for stressing a particularly important point during a half-time team talk.

Tea Ladies
Inexplicably, always met by moderately useful player on moving to a moderately useless club, as in "everyone's got ambition here, from the chairman to the tea-lady".

Tears
Shed by the entire Bayern Munich team in a brave but ultimately futile attempt to make that ManYoo victory in 1999 a tiny bit less unbearable. Also by Gazza in Italia 1990 and crisp advert and, most recently and hilariously, by England's lionheart John Terry.

Teetotal
What Tony is these days, as he may or may not have mentioned.

"Tell You What, Clive"
Phrase used to highlight a shot/dive/incident that impressed or disappointed the Big Orange One. Eg: "Tell you what, Clive, that was a great shot by the boy Scholesy", or "Tell you what, Clive, Van Nistelrooy's gone down in instalments there", or "Tell you what, Clive, he actually looks a little tw*t, that Totti" and, sadly and finally, "Tell you what, Clive, Marcel Desailly is what..."

Tenacious
A player, who, lacking skill, subtlety or any other attributes, has made a career out of rash, late and vicious tackles. Under normal circumstances he would be branded a thug and a disgrace by the media, but due to the fact that he is short/odd-looking/and (most importantly British), he is given this 'ooh, you little rascal' sobriquet.

Terracing
Nowadays, a fondly-remembered standing area, now sadly defunct due to the march of the prawn sandwich brigade. Previously a freezing cold area for shivering in the driving rain, while promising yourself you'd get a ticket for the covered, seated grandstand next time.

Terry, John
It takes a big man to cry. At his own misfortune.

Thomas, Geoff
Galumphing Taylorite.

Thompson, Phil
Pinocchio-nosed half of Dick Dastardly and Muttley managerial duo.

Three-mendous
Witty and original description of a player's performance in a game in which he has scored three goals. Nearly as good as a Four-midable Display.

"Time At The Bar!"
What Robbo used to shout to get the players inside when training had finished at the Boro.

Tipster
See Lawrenson, Mark

Titans, Clash Of The
Game involving any two teams from the top half of the table.

Tittle-Tattle, Transfer
Infinite supplier of tabloid column inches on slow news days. Bringer of false hope to Spurs fans.

Toblerone, Head Like A
Posh Southern version of North's: Ten-Bob Bit, Head Like A.

Tomorrow's Headlines
What footballers are apparently composing just after 'doing all the hard stuff' and just before blasting wide.

Toni, Luca
Italian striker, whose name hopefully doesn't sound as camp in native tongue.

Toshack, John
Welsh powerhouse and peripatetic manage who had a go at most of the big jobs in Spain, without any discernible success.

Tottenham
Proud, storied North London club with a tradition of exciting football and massive self-delusion.

Tottingham
Argentinian version of above.

Totti, Francisco
Talented Italian striker. Tabloid fave ever since top boffins discovered that 'Totti' sounds exactly like 'Totty'. See Seaman, David; Kuntz, Stefan; Biggun, Ivor.

Townsend, Andy
Is a professional broadcaster, bless him. Had Tactics Truck. Yeah, he's a regular Rinus Michels.

Traffic, Run Into
What a skilful, tricky and ultimately ineffective winger invariably does after refusing to pass the ball to his team-mates as usual. See Alley, Blind and Lennon, Aaron.

Tranmere
Mythical place, like Trumpton and Camberwick Green, although Camberwick Green won something once.

Traore, Djimi
European champion and scorer of peerless OG v Burnley with brilliant drag-back, since sadly ushered out of Liverpool.

Treble
Remarkable footballing achievement involving one team winning the Premier League, The FA Cup and the European Cup in one season.

Treble (Scottish)
Getting a pound back on a scratch card, discovering it's six-for-five on Super T's at the corner shop and winning the Scottish Cup.

Tree, Top Of The
What the league leaders are, but only at Christmas time. Part of a long-standing tradition of hilarious seasonal references, including Christmas Crackers, Turkeys, Gift-Wrapped Goals and punditry comments beginning, "You know, Christmas always comes early for one lucky team."

Trezeguet, David
Argentinian-born French striker. Name sometimes pronounced 'Trouser-Gay' by commentators.

Trundle, Lee
Indeed he do.

Tumble
As in "Ronaldo's taken a tumble in the box".

"Turning the corner"
What team in relegation dogfight does, shortly before getting hammered 4-0 at home by West Ham or someone.

Turnip
Descriptive of bonce of Graham Taylor and England team of the day.

Twat (v)
To strike a ball in such a manner as to sacrifice accuracy and skill in favour of sheer all-out force.

Twinkle Toes
Moniker bestowed upon any player with the outrageous ability to run and kick the ball at the same time.

Tyldesley, Clive
Impartial football commentator much loved for his unbiased and insightful analysis. Hopefully he will pass on his skills to his up-and-coming commentators, like his first-born child, That Wonderful Night In Barcelona Tyldesley.

Tynecastle
Home to the legendary Scottish club Heart of Midlothian, possessors of the worst nickname in football, the 'Jam Tarts'. Footballing operations now suspended in favour of opening Lithuanian Clown College.

Alan Tyers