sport

Rio Ferdinand: A Really Useful Idiot?

Even in the world of professional football, where a man who can do the Daily Star crossword without seriously injuring his mind will be nicknamed 'Professor', Rio Ferdinand has always seemed a particularly dim bulb.

You might argue that the impression is largely a result of his famously gormless appearance, and it should not be denied that Rio does indeed have the look of a man who could probably do with a couple more chromosomes about the place.

However, to focus on Rio's slack-jawed fizzog, aside from being aesthetically upsetting, would be to neglect the impressive list of blunders in a career marbled through with idiocy.

From home movie sexing with Kieron Dyer in Aiya Napa, to the glory days of 'His Name Is Rio, And He's Driving When He's Banned'; from fire extinguisher larks with that nice Jody Morris to missing out on an England squad due to a drink driving boob...and on to more recent triumphs like calling his host "a faggot" on BBC Radio and "accidentally kicking" a female steward, Rio's record speaks for itself.

And that record says: "This man is basically a spanner."

The man who risked his career by missing a drugs test and then explained that he forgot because he was out shopping - in Harvey Nicks, for crying out loud - should be overestimated at your peril. Rio has been not only one of the most successful footballers of his generation, he has also been one of the most nitwitted.

Away from the pitch and the courtroom, Rio's other accomplishments have been well-documented. It is easy to scoff at a man who founds a record label and then promptly inveigles himself into a guest-rapper role on one of his artiste's tracks. But just because something is easy, that does not make it wrong.

Single-handedly responsible for inflicting the word 'merked' on a mainstream audience, Rio's ITV prank show - a sort of Beadle's About where the viewer could not shake the unsettling impression that the participants would all be sharing a joke about it later while taking turns to sodomise a lapdancer - has gone the way of all flesh, axed for - among other reasons - locking Jayne Middlemiss in a lift without realising she is claustrophobic. She required medical attention; sadly the show itself was beyond saving.

And yet, we find Rio this week not only showing sound judgement, but leadership qualities and a degree of moral courage as well. His call for FIFA to deduct points from teams whose fans racially abuse opponents is correct, and commendable; his exhortation of the FA to use cameras to catch Tottenham's Sol Campbell fan club likewise.

The sage of Peckham could and should go further. Rio seems to be a popular figure amongst his peers - witness the (admittedly preposterous) strike threats that his England fellows made when he was banned for the drug test business. Let him identify the English player who he says called him a "coon" and "a black b***ard": that would show real balls, to break with the boys' club mentality that has seen footballers so divorced from the people who pay their wages. Rio would be a good bet to win a popularity contest with this mystery arsehole, and it would do more to show racism as unacceptable than a hundred clever adverts.

There is far too much rubbish talked about footballers being role models but Rio, involved in anti-knife crime campaigns and a documentary about the Peckham murder of Damilola Taylor, could come closer than most. He may yet prove a useful idiot.

Alan Tyers