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The Page That Wonders Whether This Mention Will Be Enough To Get Some Free Legal Advice, Neil

The Three Rs
Hats off to the Newcastle fans pictured on the front page of The Guardian sports section this morning, holding a banner encouraging fellow Geordies to 'Boycoutt' the club.

Anyone still wondering why they have the time to hang around outside St James' Park on a Tuesday afternoon?


Calm At The Toon
"I've had the opportunity to come here a few times and I just felt this time was the right time. I felt that with what the gaffer is doing and the new owners the club has got a lot more stability" - Alan Smith, August 3, 2007.

"We need to take away the roller-coaster aspect of the club" - Former Newcastle chairman Chris Mort, November 7, 2007.

"The most important thing now is to get the decision right and lay solid foundations for the future. That is why we will take whatever time is necessary in making the decision" - Former Newcastle chairman Chris Mort, January 15, 2008.


The Great Professional
Jamie Carragher. A man hailed by all and sundry for his honesty, down-to-earthness and professionalism.

Even the great Stevie Gerrard said so in March: "It's a wonderful record for Carra to have and I'm sure he will go on to break even more records in the future because he is a top professional who always looks after himself and who always gives 100% in every game."

Interesting. What then, to make of the following excerpt from Honest Carra's autobiography, as serialised in The Daily Mirror today, in which he discusses former Liverpool teammate Rigobert Song:

'He strolled off to his French speaking friends and began talking to them. I could see him pointing towards me while everyone was grinning. It was clear what he was saying and the rage inside me simmered.

'Later, Song walked on to the training pitch with a smile on his face. He was limping off it with a grimace an hour later. The first chance I got, I did him. Never have I hunted down a 50-50 tackle with greater appetite

"You're not f***ing laughing now are you, you soft t**t?" I said as he hobbled away.

'Did I care he had a knock? No way. I don't remember him or anyone else in the squad for that matter trying to take the piss out of my ability again.'


The More The Merrier
More lovely stuff from Carra, who adds his two-penneth to the immigration debate in his weighty tome:

'I've got two brothers who find it hard to work in Liverpool in this Capital of Culture year. One of the reasons is we've made it too easy for foreigners to come here and take the jobs.'

Number of foreigners for whom Liverpool Football Club have made it easy to get work as first-team footballers: 44.


Wage Cut
'Robinho agreed to join City without knowing the terms of his five-year contract. Yet his agent had negotiated a £108,000-a-week deal' - Ian McGarry in The Sun today.

'The former Real Madrid strike ace was widely expected to join Chelsea but instead made a stunning switch to City. And after signing a deal worth £95,000 a week after tax he admitted he was excited by City's plans' - Martin Blackburn in The Sun today.

Now, either the taxman is getting very generous these days, or the chaps at The Sun aren't talking to each other. That or they're all just making it up.

Your call.


Dig!
Headline from The Sun: 'Red Riera has a dig at Blues'

Intro from The Sun: 'Albert Riera took a sideswipe at Everton after completing his £5.5million transfer to Liverpool.'

Actual quotes from Albert Riera: "As soon as I knew they were interested there was only one club I wanted to sign for. Thankfully it has now happened. It feels really good to be a Liverpool player and I am really happy to be at this club."

Good work. By that rationale Riera has taken 'a sideswipe' at every other club in the world. The Huddersfield and Forest fans in F365 Towers are absolutely outraged at such an outrageous snub.


Ding-Dong
Terrific ding-dong on Sky Sports News this morning, in which Alan Mullery and Kevin Parker, from the Manchester City official supporters club, on who would make the biggest challenge for a top four spot this season.

For a number of reasons (not least because Mullery is an awful, awful prat), Mediawatch sided with Mr Parker, with the following 'argument' from Mullery proving to be the clincher:

"Spurs were a better side than what Manchester City were last season."

Hmmm. Nine points and two league places would appear to differ Mr Mullery.


Maths With 'Arry
From the 'Paper Round' on a site not a million miles from here:

Adriano Russo: 'So are we putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5?'

Dave Bassett: 'No, we're putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with the wrong answer.'

Who wonders why 'Arry isn't in work at the moment?


Quotes Of The Day - Special Robinho Edition
"Chelsea are lucky. This boy needs some serious counselling. In my view he has been badly advised" - Pele.

"This is one of the most disgraceful episodes in Brazilian football. He is a player who is an idol to children, an example. But he has not acted like one" - Marcelo Teixeira, president of Santos.

"We are ashamed at having produced such a player" - Jose Fernandes, Santos general manager.

"Clearly, someone from ADUG decided it would be a good idea to flex their financial muscles early on and buy the manager an expensive tool, but I think this particular tool has arrived too early in Mark's City career" - Paul Parker.


Gloat Of The Day
"I'm also pleased we've managed to swindle Man United out of a few bob as they've had to pay over the odds for Berbatov. It'll be nice to know that every gallon of petrol a Manchester United fan buys is going into our kitty" - A giddy Noel Gallagher.

Contrived Intro Of The Day
'Jimmy Bullard sealed his incredible rise from painter and decorator to England star and admitted: It's been emulsional!' - Ross Gregory in The Sun.

Bet Settler Of The Day
This way to see The Daily Mirror's Darren Lewis present their paper round-up in a bunny suit.

Premature Headline Of The Day
'The King Is Dead' - The Daily Mirror. Man alive, he's not even left his job yet, never mind carked it lads.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'That Man And Robinho' - The Daily Mirror. And spread across two stories too. Poor.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Olympic hockey player Nikki Hudson has apologised over inappropriate comments she posted on Facebook about the Spanish men's hockey team. She wrote on the site about wanting to be "impaled'' by members of the Spanish men's hockey team. According to News Ltd papers today, Ms Hudson said she did not realise her site was available for members of the public to see and blamed the comments on her sense of humour. On August 22, soon after the Hockeyroos finished their Olympic campaign in Beijing, she wrote on her site: "Nikki thinks the running of the bulls should be changed and we should be chased by the spainish (sic) mens hockey team. I would definately (sic) make sure I got caught and impaled!" She also wrote on August 17: "Nikki has a black eye from all the girls pushing me out of the way to get prime position by the window seeing naked aussies in rooms across from us!!!" - TheAge.com.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Patrick May and David McCulloch. If you spot something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.