sport

The Page That Rather Enjoyed That Particular Celebration

From a website not a million miles from here...

Does that mean he scored four times?


Root And Branch
If you can remember way back through the mists of time to ten months ago when Schteve McClaren was sacked, the FA released the following statement:

'The Board have agreed that there will now be a full root and branch examination of the whole England senior team set-up, which will begin with immediate effect.'

How's that worked out for you Brian?


The Great Legacy
Shortly after he gathered his stapler, hole-punch and goose fat jug into a box as he cleared his desk in preparation for leaving Soho Square, Brian Barwick found time to tell everyone what a terrific job he'd done in his four years at the Football Association.

Let's ignore for just a second appointing a magnificently-underqualified man as England manager, having to pay that man £2.5million for the privilege of showing him the door, then giving the first and only man to express any real interest in the post £6million a year.

Brian is certainly ignoring those piffling details, as you can see:

"We've moved the organisation on leaps and bounds, and that's really important to me.

"If I have a genuine legacy, we were sitting in a big stadium last night - it's probably one of the finest in the world."

Yes indeed Brian - hats off for creating that legacy.

Given that the new Wembley was clearly your doing and your doing only, we assume that you were working on a freelance consultancy basis in March 1998 when the FA bought the old ground, or in July of that year when the first set of plans were officially unveiled, or in September 2000 when the contract with Multiplex (then estimated as costing £326.6million) was signed. Given that you were working for ITV in that period of time, we'd imagine your TV bosses weren't terribly happy about moonlighting of that nature.

Indeed, after taking over as FA chief executive in January 2005, Mr Barwick presided over the second delay of Wembley's opening, and the escalation of the final cost of the stadium from the original £326.6million to almost £1billion.

We agree Brian - that's quite a legacy.


Lord Triesman, Your Search Is Over
On the same day it was announced that Chinese authorities had sent two women in their 70s to a year's worth of 're-education through labour' for trying protest about their forced eviction from their homes in 2001 due to the construction of Olympic facilities, IOC President, Jacques Rogge, decided poke his head above the parapet and speak out. About double gold medal winner and all-round genius, Usain Bolt.

"I think he should show more respect for his competitors and shake hands, give a tap on the shoulder to the other ones immediately after the finish and not make gestures like the one he made in the 100 metres," said Rogge on one of the most memorable moments of the Games.

This has set Mediawatch thinking. In one sentence, the Belgian displays idiocy, aloofness, zero understanding of sport and a clear love of freebies, luxury hotels and buffets. Sounds like the perfect candidate for a soon-to-be vacated job at the FA.


Broken/Fixed - Part One
"The dream of Chelsea is broken because Real Madrid will not even negotiate. It is impossible to advance any conversation" - Robinho's agent Wagner Ribeiro, August 20.

"So I have to say that until 31st August everything is possible. Until the transfer window is closed I can't say where Robinho will play this season. The president Ramon Calderon said to Robinho that if a 40 million euros (£31.7m) offer appears he would let him leave" - Robinho's agent Wagner Ribeiro, August 21.


Broken/Fixed - Part Two
'Robinho no longer has any chance of joining Chelsea due to Real Madrid's refusal to even discuss a possible deal' - The Daily Mail, August 20.

'Chelsea were close to completing the signing of Robinho for £25million last night after chief executive Peter Kenyon was seen arriving in Madrid to tie up the deal...The situation now seems to have been resolved and Luiz Felipe Scolari will be delighted to add his countryman to a list of summer signings that includes Deco and Jose Bosingwa' - The Daily Mail EXCLUSIVE!, August 21.


You Read It Here First
'Sunderland boss Roy Keane is set to beat several Premier League rivals and sign Djibril Cisse' - EXCLUSIVE! in The Daily Mirror.

Top work to scribe Alan Nixon for putting all that work into the EXCLUSIVE!

Of course, he could have saved himself an awful lot of time by just reading the statement confirming the deal by Pape Diouf, the Marseille president, posted on their club website yesterday morning.


Staying On
From The Guardian's report of the Scotland v Northern Ireland game:

'Controversy, mercifully for neutral observers, followed. Sammy Clingan, who had received a first-half booking for a late challenge on Scott Brown, hauled down the midfielder once again when bearing down on goal. A red card for the Irish player was inevitable, even in such low-key surroundings.'

That will be a hell of a relief for Ryan McGivern, the man actually dismissed, whose suspension will presumably now be scrubbed from the records.


Forcing It Through
"I have just been told that Arsenal are interested as well, but my position is clear - I want to start the season with Everton" - Stephen M'Bia, August 21.

"I haven't changed my mind, I want to join Everton. We are still in contact. I hope now that Rennes will accept to enter into negotiations with this English club. I don't want to let this chance go by" - Stephen M'Bia, August 19.

"The offer from Everton is too good to refuse" - Stephen M'Bia, August 12.

"It annoys me when I hear the Rennes directors say I am going to extend my contract. I am not going to extend my contract" - Stephen M'Bia, August 8.

Anyone think Stephen M'Bia is trying to make a point here?


The Big News
'150 Burned Alive In Jet' - Front-page headline of The Daily Express.

'153 Dead In Madrid Air Crash' - Front-page headline of The Sun.

'149 Die In Plane Inferno' - Front-page headline of The Daily Mirror.

'BB Nicole Most Hated Housemate Ever' - Front-page headline of The Daily Star.


Childish Giggle Of The Day
"It's always good to have someone to play balls into that little hole where I like it" - Robbie Keane on having Stephen Reid back in the Ireland midfield.

Forum Post Of The Day
'I was at a party years ago (when I was about 16) and we heard this slag being absolutely pounded, she was noisy as hell etc so we decided to 'charge' the room - my laughter turned to tears when I realised it was MY OWN GIRLFRIEND getting nailed by the year 'stud' she never did make those noises with me.'

Headline Of The Day
'Flop Sheva's Milan Saver' - The Daily Mirror. Not great, but it's a bad day for headlines and, well, it rhymes. What more do you want?

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Capello Given A Reality Czech' - The Daily Mail.

Runner-Up
'Moutin Is Too High' - The Daily Star.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'The Philippine National Police is still waiting for formal charges to be filed against a 33-year old woman who nearly cut off her husband's penis last week in the capital town of Virac. A source at the Virac municipal police station told the Tribune that while they have received feelers through text messages that the suspect is willing to surrender, the victim has yet to indicate his intention to file criminal charges against his wife for mutilating his reproductive organ inside their home in Cavinitan last August 13' - Catanduanes Tribune.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Stannardo, Barry Joyce and Phillip Holland. If you spot something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.