sport

The Page That Could Do With A Better Swear Filter

Too Obvious
So Frank Lampard missed the England game because of stomach cramps eh?

Too......many.....jokes.....


Which Game Was He Watching?
"I wanted a tough match against a top-class team and I got it" - France coach Raymond Domenech.


Unimpressive
The Sun seemed rather unimpressed with Mr Beckham's showing last night.

'Becks Is Ton For', 'Becks Flops On His Big Night...', 'Beckham's Sparkle Ends Up Tarnished' read just some of the spluttering headlines from within the pages of that august journal.

Shaun Custis writes in his match report: 'Was that gold on his boots last night or rust?'

Chief hack Steven Howard joins in the shoeing: 'It would be harsh to criticise him too much....but, generally, he was just another member of a poor team.'

And to round things off, lackey Charlie Wyett writes in his assessment of Beckham's performance: 'On current form, England's DB at No. 7 has to be David Bentley and not David Beckham. Becks is still useful to have around but looks off the pace and Bentley can also whip in a wicked cross - plus give plenty more.'

Seems pretty conclusive.

However, eyes down to the bottom of the page where the Currant Bun ask the big question 'Should he have played?'

Their firm answer is 'Yes'.

Nothing like pulling in the same direction, eh boys?


Stunning
Headline from The Daily Mail website: 'Anelka Stunned By Negative England'

Actual quotes from Nicolas Anelka: "From the moment we scored, we waited to see if they were going to attack or not, but the English did not leave their defensive positions and that was why the match was like that."


Wishful Thinking?
You can usually rely on Ray Wilkins to say something suitably anodyne in his 'analysis' for Sky Sports.

However, he chose last night to say: "Ashley Cole might wear himself out, he could actually kill himself"

No danger of that Butch. We know that if Cashley over-extends himself, he'll lean over the side of the bed, vomit then get right back on the job.


Out Of The Frying Pan
'Paul Jewell is ready to save midfielder Hossam Ghaly from his Spurs nightmare in a £2m deal' - The Daily Star.

Is it just Mediawatch, or should someone really start thinking about alternative careers if an escape from a 'nightmare' is Derby?

Also Hossam - word to the wise: if he brings out a video camera, run the other way.


Traitor!
'Hero Anichebe Snubs England' harrumphs the headline from (of course it is) The Daily Mail.

'Victor Anichebe, Everton's exciting young striker, turned his back on England yesterday by making his debut for Nigeria Under 23s.'

And what a snub. The turncoat! The traitor! The charlatan! How could the man born in Lagos, Nigeria possibly have the temerity to turn down good old Blighty in such a despicable manner?


Just One Word
From My Football Writer.com: 'City's hat-trick hero Jamie Cureton had just one word of warning ahead of this weekend's trip to his old Bristol haunts: You ain't seen anything yet...'

So that's just one word then?


A Lorra Lorra...
Further to David Healy's Tony the Tiger impression yesterday, England cricket coach Peter Moores has clearly been giving a lot of thought to the recent Test series win:

"I think we've found out a lot about a lot of people this year and a lot of young, new players have come in and got stuck in. The side has changed a lot and we're going through a big transition, so to win along the way of that makes it even more pleasing.

"We'll come out of the other side of this series a lot stronger. Ryan Sidebottom gives us a lot, while the likes of Stuart Broad and Monty Panesar are young and emerging."

Looks like he's learned a lot.


'Youngsters These Days' Moment Of The Day
'Rio Ferdinand takes a lengthy swig of water and gobs a jet of it on to the floor of the tunnel in the Stade de France right in front of the watching TV cameras. A role model' - The Guardian. Honestly, kids with their hair, and their clothes...


Brown Noser Of The Day
"Europe needs the UK... we can't build a prosperous, democratic, efficient Europe without the UK. Who could imagine Europe would be stronger without British dynamism? If we want to change Europe, my dear British friends - and we Frenchmen do wish to change Europe - we need you inside Europe to help us do so, not standing on the outside" - Nicolas Sarkozy. What's he after, eh?


Rumour Of The Day
'Controversial ref Mike Riley is axed from the Premier League list this weekend. The Yorkshire official - who came in for heavy flak for failing to send off Chelsea's Ashley Cole against Spurs and for not reporting Cole and team-mates for harassing him - has been handed Charlton v Wolves on Saturday and Carlisle v Notting-ham Forest three days later' - The Daily Star.


Forum Thread Of The Day
What's The Most Sackworthy Offence You've Committed At The Workplace?

Giddy Headline Of The Day
'Pato's Cameo Recalls The Arrival Of Pele In Stockholm' - The Guardian.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'DaveJa Vu' - The Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
A 48-year-old orchard worker has been sentenced to 75 hours community work after calling police to complain he was being raped by a wombat. Arthur Ross Cradock, of Motueka, called police on February 11 and informed them the rape was taking place at his house and he required assistance, The Nelson Mail reported. He later called back asking to retract the claim. "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told the operator. Cradock pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life' - New Zealand Herald.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Kieron Smith, Alex Nunnz and Colin Rogers. If you spot something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.