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The Bananaman Gossip
BERBA TO UNITED
It's been rumbling along not-so-quietly for a while, but the consensus among the slightly more reliable papers is that Dimitar Berbatov will be moving to Manchester United in the very near future.
The fee is somewhere between £25m and £28m, depending on which morning journal you take with your coffee and croissants, but all publications seem to agree that the deal is imminent.
For a few juicy details, clickety click here.
PROBLEMS AT ROVERS
We thought Paul Ince's comments that nobody else would be leaving Blackburn Rovers might come to bite him in the bottom, and it looks like the teeth are gnashing already, if word in the tittle-tattle columns is to be believed.
The Daily Mirror reports that Stephen Warnock - in the Gossip Column's irrelevant opinion, the most underrated Englishman in the Premier League - has handed in a transfer request.
What's slightly more embarrassing for the Guv'Nor and his boys is that the transfer request is designed to hurry through a £4million move to Newcastle, of all places.
Elsewhere, The Sun claims Manchester City have been hanging their nose over Roque Santa Cruz like a fat lady in a cake shop, but that Rovers have told them to keep their filthy, gluttonous hands off. Or that he's not for sale.
Also in The Sun is word that Valencia will demand £10million for Nikola Zigic, after the Serb beanpole's loan move to Stoke fell through.
SO, WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TELL US ABOUT THIS CHAP?
The Gossip Column can hold court on a number of subjects. The life and career of Toto Schillaci, or mid-nineties indie-pop, to give just two examples.
However, one area on which we're not experts is Polish football, which explains why we've never heard of Borussia Dortmund winger Jakub Blaszczykowski.
However, The Times has, and if they're to be trusted then so has Rafa Benitez, for the report in the paper of record is that Liverpool want to sign the Pole for £8million, but have been told 'No dice' by Dortmund.
Blaszczykowski is apparently wanted to replace Yossi Benayoun, who is being admired from afar by AS Roma.
THIS MAKES SENSE
When we first heard the rumour about James Milner returning to Aston Villa on a permanent basis, those in F365 Towers nodded our heads and stroked our chins approvingly, reasoning 'This makes perfect sense'.
However, the trail went quiet for a while, before The Daily Mail pops up this morn with word that a deal worth around £6million will be happening shortly.
And thus, all is right with the world.
HI-JACKING A HI-JACK
So, word from the papers over the weekend was that Arsenal were going to hi-jack Blackburn's move for Ghana midfielder Anthony Annan.
'Sounds reasonable' we thought.
However, The Daily Mirror claims that the hi-jackers are about to become hi-jackees, with the cheeky rapscallions at Racing Santander girding their collective loins to sneak in and nick Annan from right under Arsene Wenger's nose.
Meanwhile, apparently Middlesbrough are still waiting to hear from Arsenal over their £3million bid for Justin Hoyte.
Quite what the delay is we're not sure. After all, it doesn't take too long to blurt out 'Yes' while trying not to laugh, does it?
AND THE REST...
Marlon King has taken the first step towards being Hull's record buy...Paul Ince is ready to hand Robbie Fowler a Blackburn contract...Portsmouth are giving a trial to former Real Madrid winger Jordi Lopez...Nottingham Forest have signed Lee Martin on loan from Manchester United...Plymouth want Darron Gibson and Glenn Whelan...Reading want Dagenham full-back Scott Griffiths...Kasper Schmeichel has accused Sven-Goran Eriksson of duping him into signing a new contract after admitting he is desperate to leave Manchester City...Anton Ferdinand has rejected a £2million-a-year contract at West Ham...Fulham and Hull are preparing bids for Osasuna striker Walter Pandiani...Ipswich have finally signed Ben Thatcher...Crystal Palace have made a £550,000 bid for Ipswich striker Alan Lee...QPR are preparing a bid for Italian striker Davide Succi...Stoke have put in a £2million bid for Newcastle midfielder Abdoulaye Faye.
